Background:

Following my attempt at a Reduced Nativity Story (see here for details), some of my church members challenged me to write a 30 second version of the Easter story. This is it.

Note that it is intended to be heard not read. It comes across much better on the ear than on the page.

Notes for performance:

The Reduced Easter Story needs to be barked out in best 'Sargeant Major' style. It should not be gabbled too quickly. You ought to be able to finish within 30 seconds whilst maintaining clear diction.

The Reduced Easter Story

Corporal Dibbs and me was guarding the criminal Jesus as per instructions, sah! - and we was just remarking as to how he would give us no trouble on account of him being dead, sah! - and strike me, but with a flash of light an angel did descend from on high and roll aside the rock what was blocking the tomb, and women appeared with spices and blow me but the grave was as empty as a beggar’s purse, sah! - and the angel spake unto the women as to how the criminal Jesus was alive and was making tracks for Galilee.

Strewth, I said to Corporal Dibbs, who on earth is going to believe this?... sah!