Notes for performance:
The words of the chorus need to be displayed on an overhead screen
so that all the congregation can join in. These words alternate with blank screens
(when someone else is speaking) and will need a deft operator who can follow the
script and bring up the chorusís words one second before they need to be spoken.
The congregation will need to be told to read out everything that appears.
Note that it wonít matter if they read everything in a flat unemotional way.
In fact, it will probably sound more amusing if they do.
SHEPHERD: (enthusiastically, like a Butlins redcoat) Good morning, sheep!
CHORUS: Good morning, shepherd.
SHEPHERD: How are you this fine morning?
CHORUS: Very well thank you. How are you?
SHEPHERD: Iím feeling just tickety-boo today, because Iíve got some fantabulous news to share with you.
CHORUS: What news is that? Tell us, tell us.
SHEPHERD: Weíve been invited to a party. Isnít that great.
CHORUS: Yes. We are very excited by the prospect. Will there be ginger beer?
SHEPHERD: My word, yes. Lashings of ginger beer and lemonade, and sausage rolls and cheese-flavoured cubes on sticks, and huge cream cakes covered with thick chocolate sauce, and buckets full of jelly and ice cream.
CHORUS: Oh, good. We like ice cream.
SHEPHERD: So fluff up your woolly coats, dust off your hooves and letís go. Itís time to party on down.
CHORUS: But why are we partying on down? What are we celebrating?
SHEPHERD: The return of Gerald, of course!
SHEPHERD: Gerald the sheep. Come on, you must remember Gerald the sheep. Heís only been gone for 48 hours. Gerald! Come on up here!
GERALD: (entering) Hello, shepherd. Hello, sheep.
CHORUS: This is Gerald is it?
SHEPHERD: Of course this is Gerald. Donít you remember him?
CHORUS: Weíve never seen him before in our life.
SHEPHERD: But heís a sheep like you.
CHORUS: As far as we are concerned, all sheep look alike. What makes him special?
SHEPHERD: Heís special because heís back.
CHORUS: Back from where?
SHEPHERD: Back from being lost. Why donít you tell them, Gerald.
GERALD: Sure thing, shepherd. Itís like this, guys. Do you remember two days ago we were in that nice grassy meadow up by the crags? Well, there was this particularly juicy clump of grass tucked away behind a boulder. And when I say juicy, I mean way juicy. It was some class grass is what Iím saying. And I was so in the zone, munching away, that I lost all track of time. And next thing I know itís dark and you lot have scarpered.
CHORUS: Werenít you frightened?
GERALD: You bet your boots I was frightened. Go and count the sheep droppings if you donít believe me. All night I wandered through the rocks and crags. By dawn Iíd lost sight of the meadow and spent the day trying to find something to eat. No luck. Another night out in the wilderness, cold and hungry and terrified. I never realised it could be so spooky. Lions and tigers and scorpions lurking around every corner. You donít know how lucky you are being tucked up safe in your pen every night. Anyway, another dawn, another day. But this time a miracle! There was the shepherd, making a beeline straight for me! I was saved!
SHEPHERD: So now do you see why weíre having a party?
CHORUS: Yes. Because some idiot sheep got lost.
SHEPHERD: No. Because some idiot sheep has been found.
CHORUS: But what about us? We never got lost. Donít you care about us?
SHEPHERD: Of course I care about you. I care about all my sheep. Thatís why youíre invited to the party. Gerald is safe. Youíre safe. Everything is wonderful. Come on, what do you say?
CHORUS: Will the ice-cream be strawberry-flavoured?
SHEPHERD: Better than that. Itíll be strawberry cheesecake flavoured!
CHORUS: Hurrah! Letís party on down.
SHEPHERD: Now youíre talking my language!